Definitions: Woos Woos Woos

Have you ever had a dream?
I have.
I have had lots of dreams.
Like one time there was a zombie apocalypse and I got locked in a room with Jason Segel...and it was awesome.
But also there are other dreams, like Vegas.
Vegas is the greatest dream a person can dream.
Vegas is a place where you can do things without consequences, and do people without having to know their names, and you can Woo freely.
Oh, you don't know about Wooing?
Don't worry, I'll let you know all about it.

A Woo is a sound. A Woo is a call. A Woo is an expression of self.

A Woo is made by a Woo Girl. Though they have existed for decades (perhaps centuries), the name and phrase were only recently coined by the show How I Met Your Mother.

"Like the laughing kookaburra a or whip-poor-will, the Woo Girl gets her name from the distinctive sound she makes."

You've all heard the Woo, and I can safely assume that most of you women have Woo'd at least once in your life. Urban Dictionary has a fairly judgmental take on the group, and technically so does the episode, but I'm more positive about them.

They wear sparkly things, travel in packs, wear a lot of make-up, do shots, go to tacky themed bars, and are easily excited. That sounds like a super amazing night in Vegas to me.

For some the Woo covers up sadness or disappointment in their life, but for others the Woo is a way to celebrate good things without having to articulate anything.

You Woo to congratulate someone on a job, or a marriage proposal, or a make-out, or a new dress.
You Woo when you get shots, or Long Island Ice Teas, or beers, or a free bottle of champagne.
You Woo when you get in to a bar free, when your favorite song comes on, when a guy starts hitting on your friend, and when your team gets a point in their sporting event.
You Woo if things are good, and you Woo if things are great.
You Woo if things make you happy, and you Woo if things make you drunk.


And I think, without a doubt, Vegas is the place that a Woo Girl can really spread her legs and Woo.


Moral of the story: Wooing is for winners.

Definitions

Open up your brain so I can store some knowledge in there!

Today is yet another day wherein I teach you things that you probably didn't know.
There are a lot of these sorts of things, but today we only have time for one (maybe two).

We're going to learn a new phrase today, and you're going to like it.
"Lady Boner," or, conversely, "Gentleman Boner."

Never heard of it? Well, after this post you'll be an expert.

This is inspired by a conversation I recently had with a friend, wherein I asked if the average guys thinks about the difference between "hot" and "beautiful."
It's a very difficult thing to articulate, but I find myself often thinking about it. There are implications and meanings tied to calling someone "hot" or "pretty" or "cute," and you wouldn't call Megan Fox cute the same way you wouldn't call a puppy dog "hot."

Here is what I have gathered, from my own life observations and the conversation.
"Hot" is the girl or guy you see at a bar and you really just want to see them naked. You don't really want to have to talk to them, but man do you wanna touch their butt. "Hot" is a bar hook-up, or someone's hot body, or a nudie picture. "Hot," I think, is young and temporary and shallow, but, obviously, it is a pretty good thing to be.

"Beautiful" is the man or woman you see somewhere, and you can't help but think "Woah." You want to have coffee with them or wake up next to them or date them for a year. "Beautiful" is solid and it ages nicely and it is the kind of person you really want to date and get to know.

This isn't to say that they are mutually exclusive, someone can be both hot and beautiful (Christina Hendricks, anyone?), but it is a fairly difficult balance to strike. It also isn't to say that one is better than the other, because there are people who like their mates hot and there are people who like them beautiful.

In fact, that is why I have decided to talk about Lady Boners and Gentleman Boners.

A "Lady Boner" or "Gentleman Boner" is someone you find really, really attractive. It is a fun way to describe a hot and/or beautiful person.

So, here are examples, I would say that this guy

gives me a Lady Boner, but I'd also agree to hear about his feelings. It's a dignified Lady Boner.

But this guy, gives me a Lady Boner and I just wanna see him naked all the time and if he talks I'll be annoyed. It's still a Lady Boner, but there's no classiness to it...just abs...so much abs...

See? Difference.

I have become a huge fan of using this word, mostly because I think the word "boner" is funny, but also because it is less exact than calling them hot.

For your viewing pleasure:

Lady Boners

Gentleman Boners

Moral of the story: Hot or beautiful, you're all perfect to me.

2012 and Me

Welcome to 2012, blog.
Both me and my blog had a rough start to the new year (puking in a kitchen sink is never a good way to start anything), and poor bloggy got ignored for a week (or two, but who's counting).
No more!
I'm writing this blog and you're all going to like it, dammit.
So here we go.

I just signed up for online dating.
Some people think that's weird, or lame, or pathetic, but I say "Fuck it."
It isn't how you want your love story to start, certainly, but there's no pressure for these "matches" to be life-long things. In fact, honestly, I'm looking for something pretty short term. Not a one night stand or a booty call, but for the kind of relationship where's there's no pressure to last forever, where both people know and are okay with the idea that it could be two months or six months and then end. No. Big. Deal.

The major problem I have encountered, and you can all agree, is that the kind of men who hit on me in public places and in bars are NOT the kind of guys I really want anything to do with. Ever.
You remember Guy-Who-Went-To-Jail-For-Killing-His-Fiancee-I-Think? Or every man who hit on me while I was abroad?
They're probably not awful guys, but they're looking for someone and something that I'm not, and I neither can nor will provide.

So, with my track record in mind, I said "It's a new year, and I want to try something new."

I don't want to find a long-term boyfriend (barf) or the guy I'm going to marry (ugggggh cheesy). But I do want to meet new people, and have the opportunity to have actual conversations with men who are actually interested in me.
Getting hit on in bars is fine, sort of, but it's not what I like.
Bar hook-ups are fine, if you're safe and smart about it, but they're not what I want anymore.

You'll also be pleased to know that in five days of being signed up, I've got 2 dates already, and a creeper.
So there.

Moral of the story: I'm already living most of my life online, why not just round it out?