Ex's and Oh's

Here's a little diddy I like to call "Dating or being friends with your friend's ex."
I also like to call it "bullshit."

People always want to try this. There's a girl or boy who has been around your friend group for awhile, dating someone you know. They're nice. They're cute. They're fun. Oh yay!

Then your friend breaks up with them. Oh no!
You like this person, either as a friend or as a little more than that. So what to do?

Well, first thing's first, don't fucking date them right away.
This ruins friendships, and not only that, but groups of friendships. Whole social cliques are split up and ruined for ages because of this sort of douchebaggery.

Do you see? Do you see the rule with my sweet, totally not generated in Microsoft Word graphic? Can I be more clear?

I think being friends, and especially being good friends with an ex of your friend is pretty shitty. I know people who are like this, who insist they'd never date a friend's ex, but still hang out with the ex or talk to them all the time. "I'd never date Ex because Friend and I are such good friends!" Well then why the fuck are you hanging out with Ex all the time?
Rough.
That means your friend has to deal with you talking to and about the ex all the time.
After three years and other serious relationships? Not a huge deal.
Three days later and your friend is still in the sweatpants and ice cream phase? Pretty big deal.

I don't mean to say you can never be social with a friend's ex, and it's not to say that everyone your friends hook up with is off limits, but I am saying that you need to be more considerate of your friend.
Ask if they're okay with it!
Try to not suck.

Moral of the story: If you do this, then

Rebound(ed)

Let's talk.
Breaking up is hard to do.
Yes, I did just do that to you.
Sorry I'm not sorry.


Moving right along! Breaking up means you're suddenly single again, unless you did that douchey thing where you break up with someone for someone else. That has always seemed rude to me. It also blurs the line cheating, I think, and we all know that cheating is the most asshole-y thing you can do.
So. You're single now.
What to do?


Depending on how long the relationship was, I usually say you get a day for each month the relationship lasted. If you only dated for a month, you should probably get over it pretty quick. If you dated for two years, well, you get a month to get over that. That's a lot of relationship.


But then there is that complicated period after a break-up where you're not sure if you're getting with someone as a rebound, or as a new relationship.

Situation: You just got out of a two year relationship, it's within the prescribed mourning period (24-28 days), but you're going out to the bar with friends to try and stay chipper. Oh look, a cute boy, and then you make out.
Rebound.
Duh.


But what about if you got out a six month relationship over a month ago? Well that's not a rebound, you're just making out with someone. Obviously.

It can be difficult, depending on the seriousness of the relationship, to determine where the line is. It changes for each person and each relationship, and each new thing, but I don't believe you can happily start a new relationship a week after ending another one.

I knew someone in high school who did that. He had a serious relationship that lasted probably eight months and was pretty serious/dramatic. It was exhausting. Anyways, this girl broke up with him in a sudden way and less than a week later he was with a new girl.
You need time to sort out your feelings and recover. You're taking those feelings for that first person and just rolling them over on to your new mate. That seems weird.
Anyone else think it's a little strange?


Moral of the story: You're perfectly fine to hook up with whomever you please, but don't fool yourself into thinking it's not a rebound. There's nothing wrong with them!

How To: 5

Breakups

Yikes

As functional young adults, we've all been in relationships and we've all had to break up with people.
Well, hopefully you've done the breaking up a time or two, and haven't just always been the person who gets broken up with.
That'd be depressing.

So here are some quick tips about breakups (totally NOT from experience...):

Maybe don't do it over text at 3am when he is really stoned.
That will potentially be really uncomfortable for everyone involved.
I definitely didn't do that one time...

Classic

Also, maybe don't say "We were both expecting it, so don't be surprised."
That is less polite than you think, and also maybe they are a little surprised.
Didn't do that either!

Potentially it is a bad idea to have a screaming match in a Starbucks too.
That is awkward for everyone, not just the two of you.

But seriously, here is some real advice for break ups:
Be honest, and be diplomatic.
If the person is boring you, tell them "I don't think have very much in common."

If the person is a slob, "We have different priorities."

If you've maybe been sleeping with other people, "I think we have grown apart."

Boom.
Nailed it!

I honestly feel that the break up can effect your feelings about the relationship for ever. Think about it! If you have a mutual, adult-esque break up, then you probably won't be bitter or bitchy about the relationship you had. If you get dumped out of the blue (over text?) then you'll be pretty upset about it and probably quite resentful.

Moral of the Story: No one wants to be the douchebag who breaks up with everyone in douchey ways.