Trend Setter

Here is something I have noticed: when my posts mention PORN, PENISES, PORN, SEX, PORN, or, weirdly enough, THE MYSTERY METHOD explicitly then there is a serious jump in the number of hits.
For example: the post titled "Porn" has nearly a hundred views. The post called "How To: 4," which talks about my displeasure that the Mystery Method is a thing, has almost 200.
Curious.

I think, also, that most of those are views from the international circles.
Hello, non-Americans. I'm not a porn website.

ALSO! I think I lot of people search for the Mystery Method, because they're lonely, and a link with "virgin" in the title probably sparks their attention, because hey, they're one of those! (Yeah, I said it.)

Also, blogger allows me to see what searches have brought people to the blog. Good work, Google, you  win again.

Most are innocuous...

The one that has the highest number of referrals is "Virgin Mary Porn."
Also it shows up multiple times.
Is anyone else as worried as I am?

Also, apparently, Courtney Love it a big draw.
Who knew?

Guess I'll just need to talk about PORN and THE MYSTERY METHOD more.

Moral of the story: I capitalize the stupid things people are into because I want them to see my judgement.

Going Nowhere

So it turns out I'm really good looking.

Much of my time overseas has been spent fending off the approaches of men.
I know! No one is surprised.

I thought I would recount some of the ridiculous instances of hitting-onery that have occurred.
Just a short, light post to make you laugh...maybe. I faced a bought of writer's block this week, so don't be too annoyed.

There was the night that three old guys standing in the shadows near a bar bought me a rose. They asked for me email address (what?) and said I would be a great mother.
Eew.

The time I was sitting on the steps of the Duomo (that's a church, by the way) in Florence, and two guys came up and asked me to take a photo for them. But, oh wait, the camera won't work, how funny! Hahaha, what's your name? Where are you from? You're very beautiful.
What?
All I wanted was to eat my gelato and now I'm being propositioned? It's two in the afternoon!
Go away...
But no, he didn't. He came to one of the bars later, but wasn't allowed in...so he just stood outside calling me until I came outside. Then I got scared and went away.

Oh, what about the time I was walking through the market and someone just yelled "You have beautiful lips!"
How do you respond to that?
Just...how?

Or maybe the time a waiter in Germany liked my "smile" and gave me dinner and drinks for free.
That was awesome.
Saved me 20 euro!

I think one of my favorite times was when I was walking with Ian and his parents, going from dinner to get gelato, and, while I was mid-conversation with his mom, a guy leans over and says "Hey, baby." I was walking past and didn't have time to react except to be weirded out.
Who does that?
I was obviously occupied and with people!
Where did he think that was going to go? I would stop walking and come back to chat with him?
The hell is that?

Moral of the story: Men are weird.

Lists

I like making lists.

Here are some of my favorites:

A) Weirdest Porns*
1. Whale Porn
2. Outer Space/Zero Gravity Porn
3. Underwater/Scuba Porn
4. Crush Porn
5. Tentacle Porn

B) Best Cat Names
1. Butros Butros Kitty (from Butros Butros Galli, the former UN Secretary General)
2. Tybalt, Prince of Cats
3. Sir Paul McCatney
4. Tiberius Catticus
5. Meowsolini

C) Things To Do Before I Die
1. Punch a Neo-Nazi in the face
2. Ride a hippo
3. Get in a duel
4. Stand on every continent
5. Never wear pants

D) Cupcake Flavors
1. RAINBOW CHIP, DUH
2. Red Velvet
3. Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate


I know it isn't an exciting or slutty post, but I thought you might enjoy a look into the mind of this not
so Virgin Mary.

*the first three are theoretical (you're welcome for that), but probably exist in the depths of hell and unhappiness on the internet