Saturday, May 21, 2011

How To: 4

Seducin'

Some of you probably aren't great at getting laid (you know who you are). So I am going to give you some tips on how to knock boots...or how to get the opportunity, anyways. Actual advice on wiener-works is a much later "How To."

We've already covered how to transition into relationships (it was pretty simple advice, if you don't remember it...you might be a moron), so this is more advice on getting into physical relationships, not really emotional ones. I have a friend trying to get on a guy, and she's having problems with the idea of just saying it. He's easily made nervous by girls and so I've compiled a list of a few things I think will help warm someone up to the idea of being with you. It's a good idea to use these to get them in the sack and then figure out where you two want to go.

Usually, for ladies, it's just a matter of being flirty and available and near the guy. But say you have a guy you are into who is less easy? What do you do?

All these tips can be applied to the seduction of gentlemen OR ladies, and require more effort than being drunk and in a bar.

1- Figure out which is your best feature and emphasis it. Or them, if you are like me and have several. Be careful though, only really show off 1 or 2 at a time. If you have great lips and eyes and legs and boobs, then wearing a low-cute shirt, short skirt, a lot of lipstick and eyeliner is going to scoot you over the line from pretty so...eewie. It's the difference between Mila Kunis and Courtney Love.
2- Make eye contact and smile. Is your bitch talking? Focus up. Look at 'em, smile, be interested (or fake it, whatever), and, occasionally, nod or something. If they feel like you are interested in them, they'll be interested in you.

C- Make some physical contact. This is a good move I use a lot. He's talking, we're making eye contact, I smile, and he says something funny. I touch his arm and laugh.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Now he's all tingly and conscious of my magical touchy hands. Booyah.
A variation is to brush hands on accident (oops!) or Gentlemen, put your hand on the small of her back as you walk through crowds.
Keep this up. Little bits of contact will build up a 'this isn't weird' thing in their mind. It is strange to go from no contact at all to nekkid rubbing and these will bridge the gap.

4- Give them some compliments. Tell that bitch he looks nice today, or he's funny. Or you like his hair. Or he's smart. Whatever you have to say, say it. A compliment a day/every time you hang out. Too many sounds insincere though, if you can't think of something, don't make it up...or do. If you say nice things they'll start to associate you with feeling good about themselves and that is a great way to get them on your business.*

5- Evolution of Hanging Out. Go from large groups to small groups to 1-on-1 hang outs. It'll build you closer together and will give you opportunities.

6- Speaking of Opportunities, Find Yours. You have to find the right time to pounce. If you've followed the steps and see they're responding positively, this shouldn't be an issue. Just take advantage of walking them home from the bars. Or if you are watching a movie. Or if you're having a naked tickle fight. Find your time.

There. Now you have an easy little reference guide for when you are trying to get someone to bone you and just don't know how to go about it.





*-This is a warning to all of you: "The Mystery Method" is for douchebags. It's that thing where you insult someone a little bit in order to make them want you. I don't care if it works for him. Those are skanks and any real person will see through that and be annoyed. Also, just look at him. If his face wasn't far away, I'd punch him. Hard.




Moral of the story: Go get 'em, tiger. You can do it!

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