Vegas Is My Dreamworld

In March I am graduating college, and as a treat to myself and the world I am going to Las Vegas for 3 days and 4 nights. As part of this trip, I am, of course, encouraging Alison to make as many or more bad decisions than anyone else. Part of this requires me to come up with theorems to support my incredible genius.

I'm going to share them with you, so you can apply them to your future trips.

We begin with the Puke Point Proposal (PPP).
So you start out sober, as seen on this image which I made:

 

Then you drink X drinks to hit your Puke Point, and the first time, PP1, is easily conquered. You have to push past the Puke Point, and continue drinking so that your night can keep getting awesomer. With each rotation of the drunk circle, the number of drinks between Puke Points is decreased by half. So, between PP1 and PP2, you can only have half of X number of drinks you had to hit PP1. Get it? 

So Alison drinks 10 drinks to go from sober to vomiting. Then she conquers PP1 and can have 5 more drinks before hitting PP2. This goes on and on and on until you hit critical capacity/alcohol poisoning.

Next!

According to my extremely accurate math, Alison has to drink 4.6 drinks per hour while in Vegas. Easy!

LAST, and my favorite is:

So the math is pretty complicated but it ends up being about 20 dudes for Alison's NoPYHTBWIV number. I doubt you guys would quite understand it, because it was over Alison's head too. Don't worry, I'm smart.
A good rule of thumb is that if the number is under 15, you're doing something wrong. Check the numbers!

I highly suggest you apply these explanations, sequences and proposals to your own life and Vegas trips. They will only serve you well, as they will serve me and Alison.

Moral of the story: Vegas is the place your liver goes to die.

2012 and Me

Welcome to 2012, blog.
Both me and my blog had a rough start to the new year (puking in a kitchen sink is never a good way to start anything), and poor bloggy got ignored for a week (or two, but who's counting).
No more!
I'm writing this blog and you're all going to like it, dammit.
So here we go.

I just signed up for online dating.
Some people think that's weird, or lame, or pathetic, but I say "Fuck it."
It isn't how you want your love story to start, certainly, but there's no pressure for these "matches" to be life-long things. In fact, honestly, I'm looking for something pretty short term. Not a one night stand or a booty call, but for the kind of relationship where's there's no pressure to last forever, where both people know and are okay with the idea that it could be two months or six months and then end. No. Big. Deal.

The major problem I have encountered, and you can all agree, is that the kind of men who hit on me in public places and in bars are NOT the kind of guys I really want anything to do with. Ever.
You remember Guy-Who-Went-To-Jail-For-Killing-His-Fiancee-I-Think? Or every man who hit on me while I was abroad?
They're probably not awful guys, but they're looking for someone and something that I'm not, and I neither can nor will provide.

So, with my track record in mind, I said "It's a new year, and I want to try something new."

I don't want to find a long-term boyfriend (barf) or the guy I'm going to marry (ugggggh cheesy). But I do want to meet new people, and have the opportunity to have actual conversations with men who are actually interested in me.
Getting hit on in bars is fine, sort of, but it's not what I like.
Bar hook-ups are fine, if you're safe and smart about it, but they're not what I want anymore.

You'll also be pleased to know that in five days of being signed up, I've got 2 dates already, and a creeper.
So there.

Moral of the story: I'm already living most of my life online, why not just round it out?