This Is Really Weird Guys

I just switched to a new phone.
By that I mean I switched BACK to the phone I had at this time last year. Literally the same exact phone. I had a free upgrade and so I used it but it got me the shittiest phone possible. It was easily broken, it had a 48 hours battery life, it was ugly...the only good thing was the conversation-style texting.
So, after suffering it for...six or seven months (including the four I spent in Italy not using it, keep that in mind) I said fuck it and went back to my old phone.

Since the change I have had a strange series of text messages.

Day two of new/old phone:
At midnight on a Wednesday I received a text message saying "Hey, what's up. Long time no talk"

It wasn't a number in my phone, so I asked who it was...answer: a guy I used to hook up with during the spring of freshman year. A guy I hadn't talked to since then. A guy who doesn't go to my school. A guy who does go to school in Tacoma, where I was at the time.
WHHHHAAAAT?
He was a tool though, so it didn't bother me. It was extremely weird timing, since it was the first time I was in the area for longer than 2 days. Also, he said "we should kick it" and that's weird. No one says that, and also he's a douche. Obviously I said no, fuck off (you don't think I'm that easy, do you?).

Day six(ish):
"What up wheat bread?"
Wait...what?
Alison and I were at the zoo in Oakland, CA and watching a giraffe try to eat a palm tree when I got this text.
"Sorry, I don't have this number in my phone."
"Now you do."
NOT HELPFUL, JACKASS
I asked who they were and they responded, "White bread, duh."
Okay, thanks. I guess. I have never called anyone white bread and I have never been called wheat bread. In any situation, I think, there would be more occasion to call me white bread, considering how pale I am and my preference for, ya' know, white bread. It was awkward. Still don't know who that was.

Day eight(ish):
Received a text from a girl I went to high school with but hadn't spoken to in more than nine months. Still not sure what prompted that. She had no favor to ask, nor specific question. Very strange.

During spring break I also received two other surprising and surprisingly random texts.

One was asking for advice in a very awkward situation wherein a younger friend had two guys spending the night at her house and hooked up with one of them only to find out that the other liked her. Drama!
It was a very surprising text conversation, to say the least.

The other just said, "I had sex last night!"
It was from a friend with whom I chat openly about that sort of thing, so I suppose it wasn't an inappropriate message so much as a very surprising and random one. It was also deep in the pattern of random, out-of-place, unexpected texts so that added to the surprise.

Day...today:
Yet another guy who wants on my business sends me a text. He saw a really cute girl who reminds him of me (aww).

More delightful news!
Alison made the mistake of hooking up with what I am going to call a Hollaback Boy. A notorious bootycall enthusiast, if you will. He doesn't go here, but every time he is going to be in town he texts her to try and get together. I saw him at a New Year's party this year, and he texted her then but not since.
In a miraculous turn of events, just HOURS after she assured me that he was done with her and wouldn't contact her again...a drunk facebook chat. He wants to cook her dinner and visit this summer and hold her close and cuddle. D'aww.
That means he will soon text her, and the awkward texting curse brought on by this phone will continue! It's even spreading to other people!

So you see the pattern? Suddenly so much texting about boning! Next thing you know OE McTTM will text me again.

Moral of the story: I think my phone is sex-cursed...or sex-charmed...