I know you're all desperate to propose to me, and I can understand why.
I am awesome.
But your undying, burning love is not the reason I have written this post, no, you see some thing have come to light recently and I want to discuss them with you.
My uncle just passed away, which is very sad, mostly because it was very sudden.
That isn't the thing that came to light though.
What came to light is the fact that he is married.
He was married twice before, and had been dating a new woman for a couple of years, but apparently THEY GOT MARRIED 8 MONTHS AGO and didn't feel like telling anyone.
Somehow we found out a couple weeks ago, through a slip of the tongue or something, but his children have only found out he was married because of his death.
HIS CHILDREN DID NOT KNOW HE WAS MARRIED
You might say, "It was his third marriage so there was no reason to put up a fuss about it or have a ceremony or anything." Yes, but it was a) her first marriage and b) even if you don't want to do anything fancy, you should at least TELL people about it.
Secret marriages!
My friend Brian's family just had a similar thing happen wherein one of his cousins got married without really telling anyone.
Who does that?
Even if you think weddings are stupid, or you don't want to make a big deal out of it. At least send out a card, or...ya' know tell your children.
I personally do think weddings are stupid.
That is a lot of money spent on ONE day in your life.
Also, here are some big problems I have with the wedding ceremonies and why I refuse to have one:
First off, I'm not religious so having a ceremony is entirely pointless.
Second, I'm sure you know that brides are supposed to wear white because it shows that they are pure and virginal.
Yeah...that's not applicable. Also, wedding dresses are ridiculous. Look at this thing. I bet that dress costs 7,000 dollars at least. You look like a crazy person in that much pouf and sparkle. Also, now you have a seven thousand dollar dress that you can never wear again and do nothing with. Useless!
Next, engagement rings! Technically, chronologically, they come earlier but whatever. Do you know why engagement rings are thing? Women wear them as a token from their men so that other dudes know that woman is taken and off limits. Men don't have to wear them because men, unlike women, are not property and do not belong to their spouse. Men eventually wear wedding rings, but before that they can do whatever they like.
I call shenanigans.
ALSO!
Veils! Those were invented so you couldn't see your bride's face before taking the vows, and then, if she's ugly, it's too late to back out! I always love things that are meant to trick men into marrying me!Bullshit.
ALSO!
Fathers walk their daughters down the aisle as a symbolic gesture that their property (the daughter) is being transferred to the ownership of her husband! Literally giving her to the husband. Because women are property.
So, the evidence stacks up against weddings.
I'm not against marriage. I think it's a good, responsible choice.
Weddings though?
Bullshit.
I'll walk down the aisle for one man, and I think you all know who that is.
Yeah.
Moral of the story: FUCKING TELL PEOPLE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED
A few thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. I am not religious at all. Our ceremony was led by my grandpa, and every word was personal and meaningful. All the things that you say because "that's just what you say at weddings" were omitted. Declaring our love in front of all the people we care about was more powerful than I ever expected.
2. My mom sewed my dress out of a short 50's party dress pattern. It was cheap, pretty, personal, and functional! No train or layers of silk and corset to hold me back on the dance floor, or credit card bills to hold us back on our honeymoon.
3. I agree that a blinging ring for the girl and nothing for the guy is wierd. Either she's his property, and that needs to be advertised, or he's her sugar daddy and she requires a down payment. Chris gave me a small ring as a present while we were dating. I proposed to Chris with a ring of his own. We both wore these throughout our engagement, and during our ceremony we each moved our own ring from one hand to the other. Our rings were gifts, not obligations, and by moving them ourselves, we were not shackling eachother into marriage but accepting it freely.
4. Ok you're totally right about veils. Those things give me the heebie-jeebies.
5. I have always hated that the man stands at the front, while the woman is delivered to him by her father while everyone watches. Our solution: Chris and I would walk in unison down either side, each holding hands with BOTH of our parents. When we got to the front, we would hug our parents, leave them behind, and come forward to meet eachother in the middle. No deliveries, no ownership. Chris and I came together in love, and brought our families with us.
The reason I wanted to share these thoughts, is because 4 years ago I completely agreed with every word of your post. Weddings were creepy traditions laden with sexist themes. However, while preparing to enter into marriage myself, I realized that under all the crap you're "supposed to do" was an amazing opportunity to celebrate love and share it with everyone you care about. Chris and I decided we wanted friends, family, love, and fun at our wedding, and nothing else! We omitted all of the crap people think is obligatory, kept the stuff that was meaningful to us, and got to have an intensely powerful shared experience on the same day of the biggest party of our lives.
I guess I should have gone on to say that what I DO want is a big party for my friends to come eat and drink and see how awesome my life is going to be. A wedding doesn't have to be ridiculous or religious or extravagant, since there are obviously ways to work around all the main issues. The nice thing about modern society is that you can pretty much have whatever kind of wedding you want, like you and Chris did.
ReplyDeleteThe religious ceremony and the antiquated rituals are what is weird to me, though I know they can be done differently, and done well too.