Starting a relationship can be tricky. It can be hard to know or notice when you cross the line from friends to...more than friends Also what do you call the middle ground? It's that point where you hang out all the time and like each other and (potentially) have kissed or slept together but you just don't know if you're dating or sleeping together or if you're actually still just friends. You know how YOU feel but have no idea where the other person is coming from or where they want to go.
Very tricky.
I'm going to call it: Frating.
Yeah, you read me: Frating. Friends/Dating. Frating. For the in-between times!
But also it sucks.
If you don't move quickly and decisively you could end up in the friend zone. We've all heard about it and I'm sure some of you have been in it.
Critical situation, guys, because the friend zone is where love and opportunity go to die.
Falling to the friend zone usually (and painfully) occurs when two people are super close and have having one-sided (or mutual) feelings but ignore it and continue along just hoping the other does something about it, but neither does anything...so they end up hurt and feeling rejected. Then someone moves on and it sucks EVEN more.
It is very east to end up here. VERY EASY. People, especially girls, like to wait for someone else to do everything, especially when it comes to romance. It's the knight in shining armor syndrome.
Stupid whores.
Before we get too worried about the friend zone, let's get back on track and discuss frating and how to move out of it and into an actual stage of a relationship.
People are always coming to me and asking for transition advice. Here are some examples and let's see if you can find the pattern:
1) A Girl and a Boy hang out almost every day of the week and text all the time and he really likes her and then they make out one day. He comes to me and asks "What do I do?"
Do you want to date her?
Do you want to just be friends?
Tell her.
2) A Girl and a Boy chat sometimes, but not too much, and then sleep together. They are friendly but not really friends and neither has any real interest in dating or even being friends with benefits, but they both think the other really wants a repeat or a relationship. What do they do?
Tell each other what you want.
3) A Girl and a Boy both really like each other and they're oh-so-scared of risking their friendship but-
OH MY GOD, do you not see the pattern yet?
Tell them.
Transitioning is just like a hostage situation: you don't just fuck around and hope someone sends you two million dollars. You have to make your demands known.
Once upon a time I claimed that relationships are like bank heists, but now my theory is more fully fledged. Transitioning, relationships, bank heists, hostage situations...they all need the same basic thing to function. Communication!
I know it's hard (yeah I did) and it can get awkward, but an uncomfortable ten minutes is better than two horrible weeks (or more). I'd love to be able to tell you it always works out...but it doesn't. Sometimes you want to date someone and they just want to be friends and that sucks. Sometimes someone wants to be your nighttime friend and all you wanna do is watch movies together.
Awkward.
BUT way better to talk about it than to just sit around moping and hoping.
Moral of the story: Talk about it...or else you end up being digested for a 1000 years.
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