We'll Call It A Home Run

People love comparing sex to sports. Well...not comparing the two, but applying sports jargon to sex acts.
It's something I understand, in theory.
I think it's mostly for boys though.
For the rest of us, sports tend to be pretty boring while, hopefully, sex is quite the opposite.
Though, actually, I find that both sports and sex are WAY better if you've drinking. Almost tolerable in some cases.
"The Bases"

We've all heard this metaphor. Or been subjected to it...
For future reference, the whispered line "Wanna go to second?" is way less sexy than you think it is, gentlemen.
So let's discuss bases!

Starting on home: 
Meeting someone. Here's your chance to hit on someone (get it?) and see how far you can get with them. You could hit a single and only ever get to first, then get tagged out. Or a double, or you could only hit a triple. You always hope that ever hit is a home run but sometimes that isn't in the cards and you only ever make it so far. Depressing.

First Base:
I think this one can be pretty universally agreed on.
Kissing.
Is it a catchall for all kinds of kissing? Or just polite kissing? What about skanky club make-outs? Still first base? See, the problem is that first base seems so innocent. "Kissing" aww! But oh wait no, kissing is kind of gross and also disease ridden and also happens in weird places (like Spain and your parent's basement and the supply closet off the main room at prom).

Second Base:
Here is where it gets a little hazy. Some people say that second base is anything above the waist, over and under the clothes. Some people say that second is anything over the clothes despite the waist situation. Others say it is anything under the clothes without penetration. Hand jobs, I guess...are the option there. In my opinion, the third option seems to be a bit fast. We've moved from kissing to hand jobs VERY quickly, and just I think the first option is a better transition between first and third base.

Third Base:
Someone once proposed that this is sex. What? The hell is home base supposed to be then? Dummy.
I find it is more likely that third base is anything under the clothes below the waist (including hand work and oral sex). This works better with the flow of the bases, and is a better transition into home base boning.

Home Base:
Doing it. Boning. Sex. Intercourse. Whoopie. Love Making. Naughty Night Time Fun. Naked Wrestling. Humping.
Does there need to be a discussion about it? Really?

Also, for fun, we'll discuss when to hit them.
The average sexually confident adult should put one to three dates between each base.
Depending on your personal views and the person.
Less than one date is a bit slutty...or more than a bit, really.
And more than three is asking a lot of patience from the other person unless you've both discussed and agreed to that sort of thing.

First date? Probably okay to kiss, or you can wait until you've completed one whole date and use the second one to introduce kissing.
Third date? Second base makes sense at this point. Especially if you like someone enough to go out on multiple dates with them, it'd be strange to not like them enough to let them see you shirtless.
Three plus three is...six, okay, Sixth date? This is a solid month of courtship at least, if you average a date a week (which you shouldn't exceed since that's a lot of time with each other, and shouldn't fall short of because it makes you seem uninterested), and so third base should be coming up. Though, to be honest, stopping at second and third is a difficult task. It's kind of weird, for me, to get to third and then just walk away from it. That's a lot of self control that some of us don't really have.

So, if you can control yourself and haven't zoomed past second and third bases early on, it should be around or before date nine that you cross home plate.

Zoom.