It's A Treasure Map...Of Awkward

It's a new year, readers.

I'm 22 now, time to be mature. Time to be...a person...or whatever.
So, in the spirit of maturity and adulthood, I'm going to talk about something near and dear to my heart: places you make out but you deffs shouldn't.

As suggested by my dear friend Chris Antes; the cockpit of an airplane! Or the cockpit of anything, I guess. I don't know what other things have cockpits, but I imagine they are not good places to make out either. You never want to distract the guy who is keeping you from running into the summit of a mountain. Never.

Other places that I have realized aren't great ideas to smash face holes:

Locker rooms
In the gorilla enclosure at the zoo
Walk-in freezers
Mid-way through defusing a bomb
While driving
Class
Mars
While dumpster diving
In an uninvolved third party's bed
In that same person's closet after they (supposedly) threw you out of their house
In that same person's car that you broke into later that same night
Tattoo parlors
Trashcans
Subways...you know what?-that includes the mode of transportation AND the fast food establishment
In a boxing ring while there is a fight going on
Stairwells
Fountains
In a movie theater because that is awkward for everyone
Under water (YOU WILL DROWN)
On horseback
In a nursery
On a table
On the Galactica (either you OR they will get shot by or turn out to be Cylons, maybe both!)
In the oven
In the line at Starbucks during the busy hours
Disneyland
Disneyworld
Disneyland-Paris
On a roller coaster
In a blizzard
During your bi-weekly KKK meetings
On Skype
While rock climbing
The gym
Cabinets
Hidden behind the bar at your favorite club because someone, probably a bartender, will find you and throw you out forever and then you will be sad because you can never return to a place you love
In an alleyway
A kindergarten classroom
Inside a wall

I'm sure there are plenty more, and I'd keep going but I don't want you to feel that limited in your make-out options.

Moral of the story: Don't make out there.