Obviously.
Among my multitude of friends there are now and always will be a certain number of couples. I fully support people who are in relationships. If they want to be boring and weird, that's their prerogative.
There are lots of kinds of couples, though, and that is what we're going to discuss today.
ANNOYING TYPES OF COUPLES
We've all been there. Two people you know start dating, and sometimes it isn't terrible, but sometimes...it get's unmanageable.
Type 1:
The "On Again Off Again" Couple
We all have these friends- Oh you're dating, how nice. Wait, you're broken up? That sucks. So you're seeing him again? Oh, but you're not official? Now you're fighting? Now you're dating? Now you won't talk to him ever again? Now you're moving in together? Whaaaaa??"
This could happen over the course of a week, three weeks, a year, or seven years. God only knows.
The most difficult thing is keeping track of whether or not they are dating or broken up. You can't tell just by their annoyance levels because they are always upset in the relationship as well as out of it. So, fuck that. Also, when they are broken up, your instinct is to trash the ex. Of course. You want to make your friend feel better because they were just dating a major douchebag. So you say that, and of course when they get back together you have to pretend like you don't mind the guy or you never really meant it.
Ugh.
These couples are really awkward to deal with, and they tend to make the people around them VERY unhappy. Do. Not. Be. This. Couple.
Type 2:
The "Engaged After 3 Months" Couple
"We're so connected."
"Why postpone the inevitable?"
"You can't fight love."
Awww, you're so dumb.
A girl I used to know got engaged half-way through freshman year of college to a guy she had been dating for...approximately a year.
OMG!
They fell apart about a four months later. Obviously.
That is what happens: you start dating and you're really into each other so you get engaged and then realize that...wait...you've known each other for three months and you're being RIDICULOUS.
Type 3:
The "Always Texting Never Together" Couple
Have you ever run into these people?
It's weird.
You know they're dating someone, it says so on their Facebook. They're not a long distance couple because that person also attends your university. So...why have you NEVER seen these people together? They are always texting each other, like, more than constantly texting. You know this because the last time you tried to hang out with this friend, there was a constant silence because they were always responding to texts and couldn't be bothered to take any focus from their phone.
Fuck. That.
Also this is just a really confusing couple because then you never know what is going on and don't really know the other half of the couple at all and that's kind of strange.
Right?
Type 4:
The "We Can't Spend Four Minutes Not Kissing and Cuddling So Fuck Your Appetite and Public Decency, Let's Make Out Right Here" Couple
I don't need to explain the horribleness of this couple.
I encountered one just last night. We were at a bar, drinking as always, and this couple could not stand to not be touching. They walked together, sat together, only talked to each other. They did that thing where they put their foreheads together and whispered and giggled to each other like they were sharing some sort of terribly annoying secret.
UGH.
They sat REALLY close together, half on top of each other, and kissed and blahblahblah. You can be affectionate, I am a fairly affectionate human being, but holding hands is fine for while you are out in public. You can kiss, that's okay, but kissing between every word is a little much.
I hate this couple.
It makes me want to barf.
Moral of the story: Cross your fingers that they break up forever
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