Walk This Way

Phew, look at the time! It's...a week past the time I was supposed to post!
Good work, self!

High Fives for Good Work!

So, instead of angrily type-yelling at you about cheaters (spoiler alert for next week!), I thought I'd tell you a super funny story. You'll love it, I promise.

Once upon a time, many years ago, when I was just a young thing of no more than seventeen, I had a group of friends who always liked to drink. Oh man, did we drink. So much drinkery. It was a lot of fun, but as you all know, drinking leads to bad decisions. So many terrible decisions.
My friend...uhh...I'll be discrete and call him...John Mcclane, made one such terrible decision. He decided to have sex with a random girl at a party. I don't remember really seeing her before they disappeared together, but I remember shaking my head at his choice of women (I think she was wearing a My Chemical Romance shirt, or something else tacky and soooo 2004).
We didn't think much of it.

Then, fuck knows how long after that, myself and a couple other people (we'll call them Theo and Karl...and we'll call me Hans...) were trying to find a place to smoke inside the house without having the host see. So we go opening doors looking for an empty room.

You know exactly where this is going.

This guy reacts to being walked in on...

Oh no! It's John Mcclane!

But here is what is so particularly unique and strange about this set up:
He is lying there on his back, starfished.

In case you don't know what it means "To Starfish."

This girl is...oh, how do I say it? She's riding him like one of those mechanical bull machines at tacky Western themed bars. This girl is going banana nuts on his banana...and nuts.
John though? Just...lying there. Completely nonplussed.

So we've opened the door and are all standing there, shocked. We haven't moved but to tilt our heads to one side or the other, caught between being impressed and wondering if maybe this is nonconsentual.
Then, slowly, John leans around the girl and makes eye contact with us.
He smiles.
He waves.
Then lays back down.

The girl does not notice. She...maybe she even refuses to notice, or she's so drunk and so into it that she simply doesn't see the light we've shown on the situation, nor does she notice his sudden movement.

Anyways, what are we to do but smile awkwardly, wave back, and get the fuck out.

Oh...high school, you're so silly.

Moral of the story: Maybe knock before walking into random rooms at parties...